How to find a four-leaf clover

Theres no guaranteed method. It just wouldn't work. But there ARE some things you can look for, and some things to be aware of.

The first step: look!

It seems simple enough, but the main reason people don't find four-leaf clovers is they aren't out looking. Don't be afraid to just stop and check out a patch of clover for a few minutes or so. And if you fine one, keep looking! A mutation in this plant tends to produce more than once in a patch! 

My record is 38 in one patch!

What to look for:
You want to look for clover that has something different about it. You won't find a four-leaf in plain clover. 
Most notable is the inverted V pattern that appears on each leaf 

but as aslo shown, sometimes clover just sports a different pattern! 

Can you find four-leaf clovers in any type of clover?

Well, this is the catch 22. It's highly unlikely that you will find one in red clover. Red Clover usually grows taller, vs white, which grows more as a ground cover. So while  I suggest you still check red, the place you wanna look most is white.

And be aware, there are other look alike plants that are not clover.
So just to name a couple common ones:

Oxalis.
A common plant found on sidewalks, in gardens, and basically anywhere. And while it is edible and really pretty, it is not clover.

Wood sorrel.
It comes in a variety of sizes, and it looks really cool, but it is definitely not clover.

Happy hunting!

My past life revised: a brief history lesson

I decided that it was time to revise the post about my past life. Rewrite it a bit better and clearer.

How did I come to be human in the first place? What was I before? Well, the answer is more complicated that just stating one simple thing. Even I don't have all the facts, but I will try my best to explain what I do know.

It took me years to realize. It wasn't until about my mid 20's that began to realize just what I was, and to comprehend some of it. And it wasn't until years later that thought to myself how strange it was that I had not seen the clues that had been there for so long. Little things here and there, like how I referred to myself, nicknames I gave myself, or others gave me. My Chinese zodiac sign, which, by the way, is a tiger. But even before recognizing that clues had been there over the years, I felt it. I had a dream or two, or even a daydream or two about it, and something felt strange about the whole thing. It took me quite some time to place it, to place why I felt so strongly about the whole thing. Something about it just made so much sense. Much more sense than something should, or had felt to me before. I knew. Somehow I eventually knew why it all made sense to me. It snapped one time, sort of into place, even though some of the pieces of the puzzle were/are still missing. Me? A tiger in my past life?

Yep. That's what I was... a tiger. But not just any tiger. If the name Emerald Tiger suggests anything, one could presume that I was green. That, of course, is just one theory. Perhaps the emerald part could suggest someone of importance, and great beauty. And I was. Some time after figuring out what I was in my past life, I forget how many months or year, exactly, the knowledge came to me that I was a Queen. I was the Queen of a race of cats from a distant star.

What I do know about everything goes something like this: I was the Queen of a race of cats from a distant star or planet and our planet was at war, with whom I remember not. I had to travel to find help, as everyone we had was already fighting this war. I came to what we know as earth, and, in the process of trying to seek help, I found love, instead. I was torn. Torn between the love for my dowt, (my fellow cats.) and the love I had found here. Who the love was for/with is yet another missing piece of this strange puzzle. I was torn between war and true love, and, in the end, love won out. But in order to be accepted here on earth with who I loved, I had to become human. Apparently I could not just transform, and therefore had to be reincarnated as human. As far as I know, I was then born as the person you see now.

I can only presume that this past life was my most recent, as that is what makes the most sense to me.

I hope that one day the missing pieces to this vast puzzle will become clearer, but, until then, this is the knowledge I have.

12 things to keep in mind when dating a person with anxiety

Just a few do's and don'ts that may help you in a relationship with someone who has anxiety.

1. Don't leave us hanging.
   Try to get back to us as soon as you possibly can. Whether it's a facebook message, a text, or a call, try to respond in a quick fashion when possible. When you don't, our minds can race with a million different things.
   Was it something I said? Did my words or actions scare them off? Maybe they don't care for me anymore? They are a horrible person? And so on... it's not that we hate you, we just can't help it.
2. Remember that we have our good days and our bad, and on our bad days, we may need more alone time.
   Trying to deal with people, even if it's someone we love dearly, can be a bit overwhelming at times. Try not to take it personally.
3. A lot of things can set off our anxiety.
   It could be something as simple as the way you clear your throat, to something as big as the weather. We may not have a lot of control over it so.... 
4. Please be patient if we explode in a fit of rage.
   We rarely mean to.... it's just that we can't really control it. Some people with anxiety express it internally more, some externally. Or, if you're like me, a little bit of both.
5. Research.
   Join groups, Google stuff, look up what is going on with us, and, most importantly, ask! Generally, if we know you well enough, we will feel comfortable enough to tell you some of what we deal with.
6. Phone calls are awful! Well, for some of us. For those, like me, phoning people can give us a ton of anxiety. And in my case, it really applies when phoning someone I don't already know. Even then, if we get scared to make a call, offer to help, if possible.
7. We get scared that you're going to leave us, even if you aren't.
   This ties in with number one. Even if you're the nicest, sweetest guy, and even if you say you won't leave us, we worry you will. Often we worry you will leave us over our anxiety, but sometimes other things come up. Which means you should...
8. Try to reassure us as often as possible of your feelings, and, well, anything else that bothers us really.
   We don't mean to question your feelings, but reassuring us makes our anxiety a lot less.
9. Speaking of reassuring...
   We may ask the same questions multiple times.
   Try your best to answer them every single time. This also helps to lower our anxiety, and make us feel safe and calmer.
10. Listen, but don't push.
    Always try your best to listen to what we tell you. We're usually pretty honest.
    Though sometimes we can get scared/anxious to tell you stuff, especially if it is important. So while we want you to listen, we don't want you to push us to talk, if we're not ready.
11. Don't give us advice on our mental health!
    We know you mean well, and some advice is alright, once you get to know us, and what works best for us. But unsolicited advice is not only rude, it is demeaning, and leads us to believe that you think we know nothing. Trust that we know our own mental health as well as possible.
    So even if you have the best of intentions, go back to number 5. Research what we go through and ask so, so that WE can help you understand how best to help us, or how best to give us advice, if needed at all. 
12. Don't make changes without consulting with us first. This includes all changes, from something as small as what cupboards the coffee mugs go in, to big relationship changes.

10 MORE things that people with pendulaphobia hate (or dislike)

Here are 10 MORE things that people with pendulaphobia hate or dislike.

1. We talked about blinds in the last post, but what about the little strings or chains that control the blinds? The ones that move them open and closed? Those things move around like crazy. Just, no!

2. Fans! 
I'm not talking about girls that scream when Bieber comes on stage, I mean the kind that have blades and blow air and shit around. Heck, for me, even the thought of the possibility that the fans air could reach my hair, or blow something around in the room gives me a bit of anxiety.

3. Flags. 
Being a short person, I don't normally think about this, but imagine a flag blowing in the wind. For some, this could be an issue.

4. Vents and grates. 
This includes heating vents, air ventilation vents on the sides of buildings, and ventilation grates coming from the ground. Even something as small as a heating vent on the floor of someone's hallway could be enough to blow something around. This is a minor one for me, but I could see how this could be a problem for some.

5. Cranes. 
The kind they use on construction sites, not the bird. Have you seen how much those things can lift? Have you seen how tall they an be? It's impressive. Have you seen the chains moving around? The big long ropes and chains pulling things up, or down, or over? Moving, shaking, jiggling, wobbling. I have to look away.

6. Clothes hanging out to dry.
When you hang clothes on your clothing line to let them air-dry it can be very nice. It can also be a little nerve-wracking watching the breeze. I tend to hang them up, and walk away.

7. Clothing with fringe of any kind. 
Personally I am not bothered by clothing that has been ripped, or cut, and has a small fringed edge, much like the shorts that I am wearing now, however, clothing with bigger fringes, for example, those cowboy style jackets, I cannot even fathom wearing.

8. Christmas ornaments. 
Yep. It wasn't until a few years back or so that this really started to bother me. But the way they just... hang there. And if someone taps the tree, everything shakes, and I just HAVE to look away. Heck, I am getting nervous just thinking about it. The mental image in my head makes me cringe.

9. Hammocks
Yep. This one is pretty self explanatory. 

10. Kites. 
Now that I think about it, why don't kites bother me more? I guess because I don't see them around as often as I used to when I was a kid. 

Living with invisible disabilities (Newly updated)

I thought it was time to update this. thought I'd talk about some of my issues, the mental and the physical, what I go through on a daily basis, and the stigma around them.
For this post I will start off with part one, mental. 
If you are going to read this, do not skim it or skip parts. Reading the whole thing would really mean a lot to me.
There are no trigger warnings for this first section of writing.

One of the hardest things I go through on a daily basis, in terms of "mental" issues, and something that I have had since birth, is a severe learning disability known as Sensorimotor Integration. This disability is on the Autism spectrum, though I only found out about that aspect more recently in my life. 
Basically what it means is that I process information differently than most, and a lot slower. In order to learn new things it takes me longer, I usually have to be shown how to do it, told how to do it, and have it repeated multiple times before I understand it, and even then, there are some things I will never understand, which brings me to my next point. Math. Math is something that I have great difficulty with. It has always been so, and always will be. This isn't like trying to learn how to ride a bike, where if you practice, you will get better. My ability to do math is at approximately a grade 4 level, and it always will be. Despite how many people tell me that I can simply practice and I will get better, that it will improve, it won't. That's all there is to it.
Another issue that I face in terms of my learning disability is not being able to pick up on things. This includes things like social cues, and other subtle things. I can't always tell if someone is joking, I might not understand what someone means, where as other people can pick up on these things easily, which is why it is always best to be blunt with me. Trust me when I say that this is very frustrating. And it's stuff that most other people can EASILY understand. This has made making and keeping friends rather difficult in life in many ways.
My disability also affects my ability to write things as legibly as other people.

Here is some of the stigma and frustration centered around the above.
I often get labeled as stupid. Lazy. Trying to get and maintain jobs is difficult because I am a slow learner, and get labeled as such. I have been let go from jobs or even not payed because I was too slow. Now I can say that I am slow, and I don't mean stupid, I mean slow. I know what my strengths and weaknesses are, and in saying so, I am not putting myself down. I'm simply stating a fact. So when I say that I am slow (to learn and catch on to things), don't tell me I'm not, or to not be so hard on myself. I say this not only because it is true, but because it is something that people need to be aware of when working with me, being friends with me etc.
Another thing that becomes really annoying is people telling me that there is no such thing as learning disabilities. This is often followed with a, everyone just learns differently, or in their own way. We all learn uniquely. Well, I gotta call bs on that. Complete and utter bs. Not only is there extensive research to prove otherwise, (and I'm really glad that there is, and that this is something people have researched, and even to this day are learning new things about) but you have to trust that I know what is going on with me. Trying to tell me otherwise does, in NO way, make me feel better about it.

And, as someone who is on the spectrum, I have other things that come along with it. I have certain things that bother me, such as tactile sensitivities, (Which is why I can't wear certain fabrics, or how rings bother my fingers so much I can't wear them) and scent sensitivities. (I have to be picky about what cleaning products I choose, know what I like and dislike, can't stand people who wear too much cologne or perfume etc (when the correct amount is basically none hahah)) And so on.

I come across as stubborn, or as hating many things, when in reality, I just know what I like, and sometimes, listening to or watching the same stuff over and over is not only easier but preferred. And this is not only a part of my disability, it is also an anxiety thing. it is comforting.

My mental health  

Anxiety is hard to fully define, depression, too. It is such an individual thing.

I never understood exactly why these two things were grouped together, as if it were one thing. I can understand, to a point how they are related, but feel as though they should be treated as two separate things, though perhaps ones that can coexist in the same mind.
And boy, does my learning disability wreak havoc on my anxiety. Remember that thing that I told you previously about me not catching on to social cues, etc, as easily? 
It causes me to have anxiety attacks, not to be confused with panic attacks. Now, what exactly is the difference? Well, the simplest way to understand this is to know that panic attacks can often lead to suicidal thoughts, and can make you feel as if you're going to die (not always) and anxiety attacks usually do not. But neither are fun! I could go into more detail, but I shall leave it up to the reader to do more research on that.

And the depression part.
Well, this all (officially) started in 2006, though I forget what month. After a big episode, I was formally diagnosed with chronic depression, and I have been on medication ever since. I am lucky, as the first medication they tried, a somewhat newer one at the time, worked well, and they only had to up the dosage once. My depression effects me everyday as well as my anxiety. It affects my energy levels, my will to do things. It makes making decisions harder, and limits how much I can do. Sometimes doing things for me is not a lack of confidence or will, it is simply my mental (and physical) health doing what it does best. 
Do I still have negative thoughts? Yes. Anyone who has depression can tell you that thoughts such as these can creep up on a person at any time. What does this mean? Usually nothing. It's not something I let worry me, but I know the signs of when it gets bad, and what to do. 
To avoid any triggers, if you would like clarification on what to do when you, or a friend has such thoughts, a ton of information is available online, at the library, and at local health centers. The stigma around this? What are some super annoying things that people do?
Well, first of all, we can't just "snap out of it", that doesn't work. We aren't "making a big deal out of nothing." And we can't simply exercise and smile, and it will get better. Changing our diets won't make it go away, and talking it out isn't going to do that either. Suggesting anything, as such, is incredibly ignorant, and rude. 
But we do get thought of as lazy, attention seeking, and crazy, and I am none of those because of my depression. Sometimes, because of depression, AND anxiety, leaving the house is hard. The thought of facing all those people, reality, is too much to bear. It's not just leaving the house. Sometimes even small tasks can seem utterly overwhelming. You brain just says "no." But.. why? "Because no!" And if you do not deal with it as well, it can be hard to understand, but the 'no' is a wall that sometimes one cannot get over.
I have tried my best to keep this as brief as possible, as I could include a lot more. But what I have written here is me, from my perspective, and has hopefully given you some insight as to what me, and perhaps others go through.

And one last thing before we get to the last section of this part is due to various reasons I have C-PTSD. Because that is a very personal thing, and I was unsure of where to place it, I have placed it here, but if you would like to know more on how that has affected me, asking me personally is best.

Part 1 section 2

While in the previous section I discussed stuff about my mental disabilities, in this section I am going to talk about personal experiences and common occurrences based on them.
I am unsure if this section needs a warning, so I will just say continue with caution.
My issues followed me into late teens, and adult hood. I did one extra year of high school, not ready to go out and face the world. But, eventually I had to get work. I took a few pre-employment classes, one that even gave me work experience at two different places. Now, let me tell you some stories.
before that last class, I was working with someone at the local mental health office. A vocational counselor. At first, I thought she seemed nice, if a bit rough around the edges. But, definitely determined. Well, boy was I wrong!

I got my first job at Marks Work Wearhouse, and, for me, the biggest thing that my boss and/or manager, and my coworkers have to know, is that I have a disability. (However, if I choose to disclose, employers only hear the word disability, and assume that means I am stupid and lazy (in my experience.) And, if I choose NOT to disclose, they see my slowness to learn as me being stupid and lazy.) (You can't win, I swear!) However, being that my vocational counselor worked for mental health, my other issue seemed to be of more concern. My depression.
I had the job for about a week, had a few shifts in that time, and on a Friday, when I was on break, I looked at the schedule for the next week and was not on it. I thought to myself, this is odd. I checked again, and the dates were right. I shrugged it off, thinking that the schedule needed to be changed, however, that was not the case. End of the day, going back up to the break area, and someone, (another employee) informed me that I was not on the schedule, because I had been replaced. Boy, what a kick in the pants that was. (I found out the manager, who had said she was going to inform everyone there about my disability, did, in fact, not do that.)
So that didn't work out, and I went to my counselor again, and she found me a placement at a plant nursery. That sounded neat! They were informed of both disabilities, and, for the first bit, I had someone from mental health come in and do the work with me, just to make sure I got it. I forget her name, but she was really nice! So, they told me, we don't do paid training, so no pay for the first week while we train you, and then you get paid. I thought that that sounded reasonable.
Now, I will admit that I could have been a bit faster. (I have learned a lot from my past.) However, a week went by and then no pay. I let it slide another week. Still no pay. I then inquired, and they told me, you're not quite getting it, we will pay you once you understand the job better. Now, being the person that I am, (gullible and super nice) I did not question them, I just accepted it. I didn't wanna cause any trouble.
So, this whole not paying me went on for a while. In fact, they got away with over a month of free work from me! Was I pissed? Yeah! But, what could I do. before one shift, I typed up a letter, explaining that I was leaving, and that this was my last shift. At the end of my shift, they gave me a cheque for $200. Yeah, as if that makes up for everything. *rolls eyes sarcastically*
PS: My counselor said she could no longer do anything to help me. Way to give up. I mean, come on! Seriously!? It's literally your job to help others find work. To help others get jobs. 
As far as common occurrences, I mentioned before about people assuming that I am either stupid, lazy, or both. I cannot tell you how many times this has come up in the past. It is not so much of an issue currently, but I could see it being one, in the right situations. It has also been super common in my life for people to make fun of me because I don't always understand things. And because my disability makes me socially awkward, I have been shy pretty much my whole life. And being shy and socially awkward means that people often viewed me as a loner. Which, to some degree, I was. Something else that happens often is people telling me that they know what I am going through. Even if you also have anxiety, depression, or a learning disability, we are all a little different. So while you may understand some of what I have been through, or some of the things I may have to go through, you are not in my shoes. This is not meant to be rude, merely a reminder that we are all different.
Another thing is people telling me that I only *think* that I have a learning disability because people have been telling me so my whole life, and even I know that that's bullshit!
Anyway, moving on. I shall talk about some situations and common occurrences in regards to depression and anxiety.
The number of times I've had people tell me that I don't need medication, that I can just "snap out of it", as mentioned before, I could not count. People have suggested every which way under the sun to cure my depression naturally, or have told me that it's not real, and I can easily get over it. Well... no. See, it doesn't work like that. Sure, everyone gets depressed from time to time, and for those who do no suffer from actual depression, it isn't that hard to eventually get out of the slump, and get your life back on track. For people such as myself who suffer from chronic, or any form of diagnosed depression, it will never be that easy, and while some natural methods can be helpful, and there are things that we can do in our everyday lives, such as exercise, and eat a healthy diet, although good to do in general, it won't necessarily keep us stable, and won't cure it.
Now, I'm not saying it's always bad. We still know how to have fun, and can even lead fairly normal lives. 
As for an example of a situation? Well, one day years ago, when I was still fairly new to my medication, and some aspects of life in general, I was hanging out in town with some people I had gotten to know, and a guy I happened to be very attracted to. 
He, of course, didn't feel quite the same, but was being very evasive about it, and very distant. Sure, we would also talk online. But never the less, he was very distant, hard to get to, hard to read, and also very depressed himself. 
I got so depressed over the fact that he didn`t like me, wouldn`t listen, and that I couldn`t help him. So much, in face, that I decided that I couldn`t go on living. Looking back on it, it was a silly way of thinking. But, now that I am older, and the medication is doing it`s job better, I understand why I might have thought such things back then.
When it comes to any of this, the best thing that you can do is to ask us what we need, or let us tell you. And listen. Always listen. We know ourselves as much as we can, and therefor, we know what will work best for us.

Part 1 section 3

What can you do to help?
What about helping in terms of my disability? You may think that it's entirely a personal thing, and there isn't really anything you can do. Well, that's not entirely true.
Remember that part where I said that I don't catch on to things easily? A way that you can always help is by being blunt. All. The. Time. I mean, sure... With close friends and people that I've known for a long time, I can pickup on some things easier, as is to be expected. Even then, be blunt and direct with me as often as possible. And, if you are just joking around, and I don't know that, just nicely explain that it was a joke.
Print. One thing that I forgot to mention before is the fact that I can't read most handwriting. So all those fancy swirls and dips that are so common in most people's daily writing, I find it often harder to read than my own illegible scribbles.
Patience. This is another big one. I am slow with a lot of things. Don't expect me to get it right on the first try, or with little instruction. Explain clearly what you want, and show me what to do multiple times, until I have told you that I understand. And, even then, come back to me at a later time and check up, just to make sure. If I make mistakes, don't get mad. Just calmly explain what I did wrong, and how to do it right, so I will hopefully know for future reference. And if I have to ask you again, try your best not to get annoyed.
Remember that I am shy, and have anxiety as well, so if I don't warm up to you right away, am not the first one to talk, or am unsure what to say, I apologize.

But in general, just understanding what I have written and believing me helps a lot!

The Physical

There is a small warning for this piece as the last section gets a little graphic.

My first issue is my bladder. Basically what it is, and I don't know the cause, is that I have an overactive bladder, so I pee a lot more. More so than most people who say that they pee a lot. I haven't counted the number of times I go in day, but estimate it to be approximately 2-3 times that of the average person. I also have incontinence to a degree. This I have had since I was 11. It took me many years to even tell a doctor, and the first doctor I ever told was not even that many years ago. I've been through training, clinics, and I just have to live with it, at this point.

Acid reflux.

Seems simple enough when you say it just like that. But I have had it for the longest time, and once again, as with pretty much everything that is wrong with me, it is idiopathic. What that means it that we don't know why I have it/where it came from, and we cannot do anything to fix it. And trust me when I say we have tried. But what does having chronic acid reflux mean? It means that I clear my throat sometimes, I sniffle, and I have a small semi-regular cough that gets worse at night, and in the colder months. This is due to the acid reflux itself being irritating, but largely in it coming up, turning into heartburn, and things like my throat saying, "hey, we have to protect our self! Let's create a layer of mucus to do that! So... therefor I can be a mucus factory a lot of the time, and it sucks! I do a couple things to try and help when I can. For example, later at night/before bed (especially for the colder months) I make garlic tea. It is exactly as it sounds. A clove of garlic in hot water steeped until it is lukewarm and slowly sipped. You get used to it, but it can help some for sure!

And speaking of things that can't be cured, let's discuss the biggest, and worse issue I deal with, My colon. And I'm just going to warn you in advance that this section gets pretty gross. This information, as with everything else I have written, is very important to know about me, so to anyone reading, I really appreciate it.
Christmas 2010. This is when my most major health issue started.
Since I was a young child, I have had issues with constipation. I remember, at a very young age, having to take suppositories. (Talk about uncomfortable for a kid.) But, there was a time throughout the middle of my life, where I seemed to have no major problems. 
Then right around that Christmas 2010, I noticed things getting worse. I started noticing it was coming back. To skip ahead a little bit. I eventually found out that enemas helped. It became increasingly stressful on me, as any time I would eat anything, anything from something as small as a sandwich, to a full meal, within a half hour, I would have to go to the bathroom. And since giving myself multiple enemas was the only way I could do it, I would be in there a long time. (my record to date was 4.5 hours. And my record of totally time spent it one day (not all at once) being 9 hours.)
Yep. Using suppositories and enemas are the only way I can go to the bathroom. I have significantly reduced the amount of time over the years that I do go, by about half. I'm usually in the bathroom for no more than 1 hour at a time, now, but it can take multiple sessions in the day to finish.
So this is an issue I deal with daily, by the way. It is also stressful in that, if I live with roommates, which I have for the last few years, sometimes THEY need the washroom. But I am in there for so long. It's very stressful. I know they need it. I can't get out any time soon. Everyone get's frustrated. There are also a lot of foods I cannot eat because of this. Just to name a few. Fresh eggs, ie: an omelet, mayonnaise. I can have them say, in a cake, or something where they are well mixed in and not easily recognizable by my body. Anything corn! All bran cereal. Raw bell peppers. Really spicy food. Nuts, but not in large quantities. Just to name a few things. See the photo for the full list.
I spend every day with less energy than most, every day feeling like crap, every day not being able to do as much as most people. Not being able to go out as often as I would like.

It took me a long time to tell my doctor, and even my family, as I was incredibly embarrassed about this issue, and when I did tell my family, I started to cry.
My previous doctor sent me to a gastroenterologist, after trying me on one month of powder laxatives. Nasty things that they are. I also tried multiple kinds of fiber supplements, and just about anything else you can imagine might help.
So, with no avail from that, I finally got to see someone. I was so exited to find a cure, to finally give a name to what was going on with me! I explained to him what was happening, and what we have already tried, and he immediately threw the term Lazy Colon at me. It means that my colon is broken, but they don't know why. It doesn't work, and they can't figure out what causes it. So basically, because they cannot figure out what the cause is, they can't cure it greeeeaaaat. 
But my new doctor said, hey now, I don't know this guy you got sent to, and I'm not the one who sent you to him, and you just accepted his answer? I nodded. So he sent me to one himself. A wonderfully nice man who it takes a year to get an appointment with. When I explained the same type of stuff as I had with the other doctor, and told him the term lazy colon, that he had used, he nodded in agreement. He was awfully surprised that nothing else I tried has worked, so he prescribes this medication that was brand new. He did not have any samples, unfortunately, and informed me that the medication was not covered, though he did not know the actual price. So I took my 60 days worth of prescription to the pharmacy to inquire about the cost, and if it would be covered. (Keep in mind that this is only to try the medication out to see if it will work.) And I found out that it was not covered. And for that many pills the price would be $230 with tax. Wait, $230 freaking dollars!? That's outrageous. I said thank you, and then left. Felling utterly hopeless!
Well, we found out about a form called a Special Authority Approval form, to get certain medications covered.
I saw my doctor and finally talked to him about this expensive medication for my constipation that is not covered.
I asked him if he had any alternatives, and talked to him about the Special Authority Approval form (that is for getting certain medications covered) and he said that maybe the cost would be worth it. So when I told him the price just for this 60 day trial, even he said that that was a lot. My doctor also said he knew of no form for this medication, as it was brand new. (He then went to look it up, and found no such form for this particular medication.) So he told me to talk to the pharmacist to see if they knew something that he didn't about it being covered. And when I got there and asked the guy if he knew if there was a form for this medication, or if it was going to be covered, his response was that he has not heard of this medication ever being covered. That it was, as far as he knew, never going to be covered. Well FINALLY a couple years ago, the doctor I had at the time went through a place called the Compassion Care Program. It gets the whole clinic covered, so I don't have to pay. It took forever, and many doctors signature, but I was SO happy! The only issue is, every time I need a new prescription, the clinic has to reapply! At any rate, I started on the medication, knowing full well that the first few weeks would have horrible side effect, but found that I could not work it into my schedule, so another dead end. Alas, another issue I will just have to live with forever.

And on top of it affecting all the previously stated areas of my life, I am also starting to notice that the way I have to deal with it has had a very negative effect on my knees.

Let's skip forward now to a time where I can refer to what I have as IBS-C or Chronic Idiopathic Constipation.

Basically I require a proper sized bathroom because I have to do this awkward move. And its complicated and wheee.
So... I'm no better, yet no worse, and will probably still have this problem for life.
I never feel well ever, and in the next section, I will tell you what you can do to help, and what not to do.

Section 2 

So how exactly can you help with all this? What shouldn't you do?
Here are the do's and don'ts when it comes to my health.

• Don't send me any information on how I can fix my problems, help my problems along, send me tips, or make suggestions. NEVER do this! With those of us who have chronic health issues, we cannot tell you the number of times that his has happened to us. Sure, in the beginning it was not so bad for me. Heck, I had no idea what was going on with my health, at first, and suggestions were welcome. But they got old real fast. 
• Do ask me what you CAN do to help. And IF I need your help, I will let you know. But if I tell you not to help, don't feel offended. It's not meant to be rude, I promise.
• Don't act like you go through the same thing, or have. Even if you have gone through something similar, it probably was not as bad as what I am dealing with. This is not a competition, of course, it's just a tad insulting when someone tries to relate to what I have, when they could not possibly know what it is like.
• Do let me know that while you don't know exactly what it is that I am going through, you are always here if ever I need to talk about it.
• Don't pressure me into doing things or going out when I do not feel well enough/up to it/get mad at me when I cannot come out or visit as often as you would like.
• Do realize that I almost never feel well, so while I would like to get out and live a normal life, doing things as often as once I could, that I cannot, and realize that there is no need to feel insulted by this.
• Don't tell me that I am wrong, or that this is not how bodies or health works. My whole body is out of wack, my immune system is not as good as a result, as well as many other things. 
• Do realize that not everyone's body is the same, and therefore, what works or is a certain way for one person, or most people, may not work for me.
• Don't be ignorant towards my issues. (especially if they weird or gross you out)
• Do learn about what I go through, research it, ask me as many questions as you like, learn the things I can and cannot eat, memorize important fact, or do's and don'ts.

And remember, it's okay to be unsure, confused, or even a little uncomfortable.

10 things people with Pendulaphobia hate

PLEASE CHECK OUT MY OTHER POSTS ABOUT THIS SUBJECT HERE.

You may be asking yourself, Pendulaphobia? If you have read any of my earlier posts, you will know I have this. What is it?
Pendulaphobia is the fear of things that hang and swing. (Not to be confused with the similarly related Kinetiphoba, the fear of moving, or moving objects.) It makes me very uncomfortable to see/be around these things, and usually nervous.
However, some people have it to the extent where they have major panic attacks, or worse.
Now, this phobia is not actually recognized yet, and thus, does not have an official name. Pendulaphobia is the coined internet term that is going around these days, and I happen to think it fits perfectly.
So, here are 10 random things (in no particular order) that Pendulaphobics hate, or strongly dislike.

1. Swings. This one is obvious, and probably the worst. They move around, they swing, they don't stay still, and when they do move, those chains can wiggle all over the place. You'll never get me on one of those things.
2. Vertical blinds. Again, they don't stay still. When you go to close them, especially, they just move all over the place. This is another one that makes me very nervous, and uncomfortable.
3. Trees blowing in the wind. Personally, this one does not bother me a lot, heck, I even think it can be cool to watch. (Like a storm, when I am indoors.)
4. Hair blowing in the wind. Yep, this one does it for me. In fact, it pisses me off. If I am walking down the street, and the wind is blowing my hair around, I actually get pissed off at the wind, and ask it nicely to please stop, just for 5 minutes. Please? It also bothers me when my hair does this on amusement park rides.
5. Speaking of which, amusement part rides. Some of them can be great, like the kind where the carts you sit in don't swing from side to side unnecessarily, roam freely, and are set in one spot. Even if they twirl. Of course, it is different for each person who has this phobia. For example, I cannot go on the swing ride, or the pirate ship.
6. Wind chimes. Never mind that the damn things sound beautiful. They move around, they wiggle, and blow in the breeze. This one makes me very uneasy. Not to mention the fact that every time you hear them chiming, even if you are not in the room, it brings forth images of them blowing around.
7. Jewelry. This one is less of an issue for me, but for others, things like, say, dangly earrings, loose bracelets, or long necklaces that move when you walk, can make some people uncomfortable. 
8. Pot racks. Okay, I don't know about other pendulaphobics, but for me, a giant rack filled with heavy pots and pans, that could swing around makes me very nervous. So uneasy. Just think, every time you take a pot or pan off, or put one on, it all moves. It is the one thing I am afraid might come crashing down. But that part does not contribute to my Pendulaphobia. Still, it makes me very uncomfortable.
9. An open window. Odd, you might think. The window will most likely stay still. How is this an issue, you ask? When a window is open, a breeze could come in at any moment, and rustle, or blow around anything in the room. Things such as curtains, blinds, or even blow hair around, or papers off a desk. So when it's windy outside, even if I don't have my window open (but I want it open), I get super nervous. I can't open it because things will blow around.
10. How about actual pendulums. Ya know, like on a clock. I did not have a problem with this previously, but it seems to be I am more and more these days.

I hope that this has helped you to understand Pendulaphobia better.

How being lazy can stop wars

Okay, so normally, that is not a phrase you hear. In fact, more often that not, being lazy is considered a bad thing. It's not good for your body to be too lazy, it can make people think you never do anything. But let me tell you how being lazy can actually be a benefit to us all.

To those of us who do stupid things... for example, meeting up with strangers at late hours, possibly to have sex. Go out looking for strangers for the same reason. Drug addicts who want to go out and get "wasted, or high.
Let me tell you something that a close friend told me: "Do the least you can do. Do nothing."
And boy, is he right. How the heck can you get into trouble when you are doing nothing. In fact, it's not only nothing. You get to relax, and be lazy at the same time.

War. I know this seems silly. People will say that war is complicated, and, when getting into the politics of it all, it can seem so. However, this is not the case. Once again, the solution is simple. DO THE LEAST YOU CAN DO. NOTHING! That's right. War can be stopped by laziness. (And, hopefully, the realization that war, in and of itself, is stupid, and that killing people and violence in general solves nothing.) Simply NOT WAR! Just don't do it.
I know some people might not agree with that, but, in my opinion, they are making it more complicated than it has to be.
I mean, what sounds better to you. Tons of innocent people being killed, (because, let's face it, usually it is civilians, children, families etc, that get killed, and not often the people we are going after.) OR, sitting behind a nice big desk, (in the case of the President.) Or perhaps at home, at your army base, or anywhere, and not actually, well, waring. (I know that is not a word, but you know what I mean.)
It really IS that simple.
(And, if I had to choose between not fighting, or violence... I choose not. Yes, if I HAD to defend myself, I would, but I prefer to not fight.)

So, what my friend said makes sense. Do the least you can do. Nothing. If you think you are going to get yourself into trouble, be lazy. Get some popcorn, watch a movie, fall asleep on the cough. The end.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Love blinds us

Love blinds us all

I feel that this statement is all too true. Especially for someone like myself.
I am also sure that many others have encountered the same thing.
I feel that we end up in bad relationships for fear of being alone. Nobody wants to be alone, and therefor, we end up taking what is good at the time, what we need right now, but not what we really truly want.
I feel this is true for a few reasons.

Focusing on the good
We tend to want to focus on the good points about a person, rather than see the bad, and often times, the good keeps us in relationships we don't really want to be in.
If we see good things in a person, we want to latch on to those things, we use them as a comforter, as a way to blanket ourselves, to hide away from the bad parts of the other person or the relationship.

Hoping the bad will get better
Another thing I feel we tend to do, as human beings, is that when something goes wrong, or when things about the other person are not to our liking, or are just downright horrible, we tend to hope that with time, things will get better. rather than confronting the situation, and saying, no, this is not what I want or need in my life, we tend to want to give it more time. We go with the old cliché that "time heals all." That if we just give it enough time, things will sort themselves out. Even if we do confront them, which, in many cases can make things worse, if they weren't very good to begin with, time doesn't help.

Ignorance and denial
This comes in many forms.
First of all, ignoring others warnings that things may not be going to well, or that said person has problems.
Secondly, we tend to want to ignore problems, versus dealing with them, as stated before. If we ignore the problem, it will just go away.
We deny that any problem exists. Was it really a problem in the first place? Why bother worry about it anyway.
If we deny that there is a problem there, then the problem simply vanishes, right?
No.

True love too fast
This one I can definitely relate to the most.
You meet the person, and then you fall in love to fast. Touching on the first point, you see only the good in them, and fall in love quickly.
Over time, you come to realize that maybe it was not love, but a crush, or perhaps infatuation, and that the feeling has passed. But now you are stuck in a relationship you probably never wanted in the first place.
Even if you like the guy a whole lot as a friend, it's not quite what you are looking for.

Sure, you never want to have to hurt someone... but being blinded by love happens all the time. Its how you deal with it that's important.

Sometimes this is necessary
Nobody wants to be a jerk, downright rude, insulting, or even violent. But hey, once in a while the situation demands it. Sometimes it is beyond necessary to do such things as telling your partner it's over, and just walking away. Swearing at them, telling them they are wrong, assholes, stop, no, or even self defense. (But let's hope it does not come to that)

You do it for me
It's all to easy to say to someone else, why don't you do it for me. I don't have the guts. I don't want to hurt him myself.
I feel that this is way worse. Being honest, and doing it yourself is always a much better idea.
Stay
It is also easy to say to yourself, hey, let's not do it. I'll just stay in the relationship, it's not really that bad.
I think that this approach can just hurt both parties worse.

Now, these are just some examples. I feel that there could be many more.
But the truth is, love has blinded us all at one point or another. And if we got out alive, then we still have a lot more love we can offer the right person, versus being trapped with the wrong one.